It's that time of year...

Yes, it is officially Christmas Eve. My dad arrives today along with my brother Scott and good friend Gayle. Presents are all purchased-most of them wrapped in coordinating patterns of Christmas wrapping paper. I did the ,"every child gets his own pattern" thing, and I like it! I just finished assembling the hamster cage, yes, you heard right, hamster. My second son, who is an animal lover, will be thrilled to find his long-awaited best bud under the tree on Christmas morning, munching away on little chew toys. Did you know that hamsters need chew toys?!?!  This is a stretch for his rodent-despising mother, but oh, what we do for love;)  

I have planned out meals and will attempt to get last minute grocery items early tomorrow (hopefully before the stores morph into zoos). My tree is sparkling brightly and is surrounded by gifts for and from loved ones. Friends who know me well and love me anyway have shared gifts from their kitchens and from their hearts. Despite all the festive activities and lights and gifts and even the fudge, I just can not seem to catch the Christmas spirit. Is it selfishness? Is it grief? Is it busyness? Is it exhaustion? I just don't know! I'm just not sure what is preventing it from its normal bubbling out! 

One thing I do know is that the true meaning of the season is not some warm fuzzy feeling that one gets from a scene, a song, or a gift. It is an understanding of what The Lord actually did for us when He left His throne in glory to be lain upon a bed of hay; when He took off His royal robes and donned a tattered robe of flawed human flesh; when He stepped out of the splendor of Heaven's shore onto the dry and barren land of earth; when He traded His perfect body for one full of temptation; when He left the presence of His Holy Father to be surrounded by sinners that would never appreciate Him. What did He give up when He was born that chilly night in Bethlehem? Why, He gave all. 
Even without the "feeling" I usually experience at this time of year, I intend to focus on Him and the Greatest Gift ever given...or received!!! 

Just another poem...

I am the sand and grief is the sea.
It continues to crash in a bold revelry.
At sometimes waves roll as a peace laden psalm,
But other times, breakers crash, crushing my calm.
When my tears fall as rain drops re- filling its well,
The ocean of grief can do nothing but swell.
And so here I lie, awaiting the waves waning,
My borders down-trodden with storms unrestraining.
In hopes that on one day the sea will recede
Allowing the sand of my soul to grow seed
Of memories bringing not pain but a smile
Where the ocean meets shore, not surrounds as an isle.

I never understood why it was that the holiday season was hard for people dealing with grief. I know now. The simplest things can set off a wave of tears: a song, an ornament, a card, a taste. We focus on our loss instead of our loved one's gain. I will be praying in a much different way this Christmas, for memories to bring smiles not tears, laughter, not regret, and peace, not pain. As we celebrate the birth of Him who made it possible for us to be reunited in Heaven, let us focus on the reason we celebrate and the loved ones who are here to celebrate with us! Our loved ones who are celebrating in Heaven will have the most amazing Christmas ever!

Thank Who?

Today, I'm thankful for.......thankfulness! I have enjoyed all the shared blessings I have read this year. This morning as I pulled the breakfast casserole out of the oven and slid our 20lb gobbler into it, I was reminded once again of the many blessings I experience every day. Tables overflowing with food are prevalent. Giggling children, cheering football fans, and busy cooks fill our home with sounds, sights, and smells to be remembered for years. Instead of concentrating on the gifts this year, lets focus on the great Gift Giver! The Lord is so very good, not just because of all He has given us, but because of who He is! He is Peace; He is Love; He is Justice. He is my Father; He is my Friend; He is my Savior! Without Him I would have nothing, know nothing, be nothing. Not just for all You've done, all You've given, or all You've saved me from, but because of Who you are-I am thankful!

Young talent!

Today my brilliant young Creative Writing students tried their hand at poetry. I am very thrilled with the resulting masterpiece!

Hidden Treasures
By Kelsey Ball, George Bradley, Brenda Ray, and Elijah Street
(Under the guidance of Kelly Ball)

With a simple piece of paper
And a pencil or a pen,
One can write a lovely poem
To entrap the hearts of men.

With a bait that's so enticing,
We are sure to reel them in,
For the tug of rhyme and rhythm
Is a hook that's sure to win.

For the joy of this ensnarement
Is a gift to those it holds,
Fitly spoken silver pictures,
Apples sweet of rarest gold.



Yes, I must admit, I feel the overwhelming pride of a momma bird watching her babies fly for the first time;). I hope I can transfer not just the tools of writing, but the love of the written word itself!

Missing Momma

Today has been one of those days in which the waves of grief just seem to keep rolling in. Since Mom's death on September 16, my birthday, I have been facing the normal issues of loss: picking up the phone to call her only to remember she's gone, starting to shop for her Christmas gifts, only to realize she doesn't need any, and even heading over to the care center, only to remember that she's no longer there. Today, however, I find myself just wishing I could hug her again. Of course, I'd never wish to bring her back from the peace of Heaven to the pain of a cancer filled life,; I just need a momma hug...And so

I wish that I could have a hug from momma once again.
I wish I could just hear her voice, not try to recall when.

I wish that I could roll her down the hallways of her home
I wish she'd look my way and roll those eyes, bringing my groan.

I wish that I could rub her head, it's new hair soft and fine.
I wish that I could see and hear and touch that mother mine

Instead I try to bring back all the mem'ries of the past
The quirky smile, the silly pout, the words of love that last.

Until one day when home at last I greet her with a kiss,
My momma dear, each day and night I just can't help but miss. 

My random thoughts on family...

Family

Family is defined by Webster as a group of people living in one dwelling, usually under one leader or manager. Although this textbook definition may satisfy a typical spelling or vocabulary exercise, it falls far short of the implied meaning that I have come to believe. A family can be characterized as loud, as mine usually is, quiet, quirky, dysfunctional, fun, sober, disjointed, or unified. While thousands of other adjectives spring to mind in considering some families I know, I believe ALL families desire to be characterized by one particular word-LOVE. It is love that makes a house a home.  It is love that brings a group of people together to follow one goal or one purpose, not the warm, fuzzy love that junior high students experience when their crush notices them,  not the self-serving desire to completely control and posses someone, and not the words we so carelessly scribble on a note, email, or card. True love is a selfless sacrifice for the needs of another. It is the deliberate choice to lay aside one's own desires and dreams for the benefit of another. And most of all, love is the determination to do whatever is best for the recipient of that love, regardless of how hard it is,  how painful it feels, or how it makes one appear. It is the love family members share, the true love, that makes a family. Blood, beliefs, distance between us- nothing changes that love. Nothing hinders it, or stands in its way. I deliberately choose to love my family, and that means that wherever they are, whatever they've done, whenever they need me, I will give up anything I have, anything I want, or anything I believe I may need for their benefit. Do we truly love? Lord, give us the strength and determination to love those we call family, whether their blood holds our DNA or they just hold a portion of our hearts!

Blog? What's a blog?

"You should start a blog!" After hearing that a few times, my technologically-illiterate self decided to find out what my friends were referring to. I have had a Facebook page for a couple of years now, and always enjoy venting through the process of writing. I'm assuming that one too many friends got tired of reading my book-length updates, and encouraged me to try my hand at blogging. Upon researching the topic, I found that I was actually following a couple of blogs on my Facebook page! Aha! A blog might be fun. So, here goes my attempt. If I can decipher the magic code of which tabs to click when, I can share my random thought of life. Whether they are worthy of reading is yet to be determined, but I will promise not to blog my tooth-brushing activities, or my car problems, or my plumbing issues, or other seemingly trivial matters;) Thanks ahead of time for your time! I pray that I may be a word of encouragement to a soldier, weary from battle; a barrel of laughter to a patient in need of the very best medicine, and a beam of light to a fellow pilgrim trudging through this wilderness we call life! (I bet you were wondering how many metaphors I could stick into one sentence;)